


Addiction

by aravenwood



Series: Febuwhump '19 [23]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Gen, Hurt Rodney, Post Episode: s02e11 The Hive, Rodney McKay Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-11-04 09:19:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17895767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aravenwood/pseuds/aravenwood
Summary: Rodney would never admit it to himself, but everyone around him knew just as he did that he had a problem. A problem he refused to call a problem, a problem that no one else seemed up for addressing, but a problem nonetheless.Written for the Febuwhump '19 prompt "addiction".





	Addiction

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually attempt number 3 of this prompt. The first two were Wonder Woman drabbles addressing Charlie's alcoholism, but neither of them really did justice to him, or any of the characters so I decided to try again. For a third attempt I'm extremely happy with it - happy than either of the previous attempts.
> 
> Enjoy!

Rodney would never admit it to himself, but everyone around him knew just as he did that he had a problem. A problem he refused to call a problem, a problem that no one else seemed up for addressing, but a problem nonetheless.

The first time he really started to think of it as such was after his little adventure while high on the wraith enzyme. He barely remembered anything about it, but what little had stuck would haunt him forever – the violent shudders which wracked his body, the anger which consumed him for no apparent reason, the leather restraints which pinned him to the bed. In the moments between blind fury and exhausted half-sleep, he remembered being so afraid that he was going to die as his heart raced wildly in his chest and he strained for every tiny breath. He remembered almost wishing for death a few times just so that the pain would stop.

Even in the days following his release and the subsequent rescue of the rest of his team, the symptoms of withdrawal lingered. He was in a constant state of exhaustion, his muscles so weak that he wasn’t sure how they were still functional. His body still trembled and ached and he felt so sick that he could eat little else but whatever type of jello Sheppard dropped in front of him.

The thing that really stuck with him was how much longer it had lasted than the high. It was…stupid, he thought, to have to suffer for days after only a few hours of enzyme-driven mania. Then again, voluntarily taking it in the first place was undoubtedly even worse.

The tremors were back now, as were the palpitations and the shortness of breath. His brain hurt like he was being stabbed repeatedly, especially when he was forced out of his darkened lab or even darker quarters. He couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t concentrate on anything except for the desire deep in his gut. His body called for its suffering to end, called for him to just…give in.

He would have, if it was possible. He’d have given in time and time again, given in so hard that it wouldn’t be withdrawal giving him the shakes but an overdose. He could almost imagine it now; Sheppard finding him in his lab, curled up in the corner and shaking so badly that he couldn’t even speak. That was what had happened last time, just when he’d been starting to feel better after several days of constant suffering.

Cold turkey hadn’t gone well back then and it was going no better now. Maybe even worse because he hadn’t even known that he had a problem. A love yes, a habit yes, but not a problem.

And in three weeks, when the Daedalus returned with supplies, he would finally have it back. Three weeks of no caffeine after he’d sustained himself on it for almost 20 years of his life… It sounded ridiculous even in his own head. It should have been so simple.

But the truth was that he was an addict. He was an addict with no chance of another fix.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
